Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize