I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
