That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
