Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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