I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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