Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
