If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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