So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize