Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
