So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
