Will you blow on my dice?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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