how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
