You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
