It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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