He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
