thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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