So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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