i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
