So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize