shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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