How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
