i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
