She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize