I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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