Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
