I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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