ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize