I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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