party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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