Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
