I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
