Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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