my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
