i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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