the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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