we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
