So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
birth control should be required to get into college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
