Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
