If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then my night got REAL pukey
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
