I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
