she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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