First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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