Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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