did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
