Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
