Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
