My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
