his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
