Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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