Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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