Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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