he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
