we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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