Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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