if you like me you must not know who I am
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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