I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
