I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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