2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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