You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize