My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
