Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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