i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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