Porn is love you can see.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
