my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
