hell yes lets make some ravioli
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
