oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize