"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
