Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
