they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
