I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
