in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
