Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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