Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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