I think im going to throw up on grandma
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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