Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
