How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
