this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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