if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
