Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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