You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
