you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
