I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
