I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
