Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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