What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
