I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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