Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
