Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
