oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
