6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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