Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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