Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
