and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
