i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize