wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
