We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
