Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
