PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize