Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
