Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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